Favorite write-ups

[redwill]

Some of the write-ups have been incredibly creative. Or at least memorable.

Dig! Post! Share!

I'll start. This isn't necessarily my favorite, but it's one of my own, so I'm partial:

Day 2, SW III. Poor Dan H gets it.

On Day 2, the garden reacts to the crisis.

They hold a town-hall meeting and deliberate on the matter. The meeting is boisterous. Many of the garden-dwellers only want to yell about healthcare reform. Others are distracted by the garden WOOT! OFF. Eventually, however, they decide that they have to find a slug. They decide on Dan H. Some claim he is being erratic. Some claim he's not being himself. Some claim he's suffering from an invisible bald spot. No matter. He is chained and led out to the small hillock beside the Garden Civic Center.

A self-important, self-appointed spokesman for the garden stands up to address the crowd and, particularly, Dan H.

"Harumph! Harumph!" the spokesman bellows. "Whereas you have been found guilty of slugginess by reason of ... Well, anyway, you've been found guilty! Ladies and Gentlemen, I tell you now that in the long and storied course of garden history, never have I witnessed a transgression so foul! When I was just a wee garden-dweller, my sainted mother told me to always remember two things: Don't ever suffer a slug to live, and always make sure you stay regular in your bowels! And so, dear friends, when I've found that I can't properly execute a bowel movement, I always find that the best thing to do is just to take a little something with plenty of fiber to settle my stomach. You know, folks, I'd like to take this opportunity to say that it's funny how something so simple as a bit of ..."

"BLAH BLAH RHUBARB RHUBARB YARR YARR!!!" roars the crowd.

"Well," the spokesman says mildly, "I was only trying to help my fellow garden-dwellers who might be in the throws of ..."

"YAAARRRRRRRR!!!!" The crowd surges forward and wrestles Dan H to the ground. Bags of salt are brought up and forced down his throat and into other bodily orifices. He writhes and gurgles. The last discernible words from him are "I regret that I have but one life to ..." before someone steps on his throat. His body is wretched in death. But nothing else happens. The garden realizes that Dan H was just a regular garden-dweller.

In death, however, the natural processes occur, and all control over the bowels is lost. A nasty flood coats the feet of the salters. "Well," says the spokesman, "that's something, anyway."

(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

[crayz]

SW I, Corvi really set the bar....that's when it didn't matter what the role was, you just wanted write-ups

[redwill]

SW I, Corvi really set the bar....that's when it didn't matter what the role was, you just wanted write-ups

Agreed. A watershed. The bar was set high.

[slappybrown]

My problem with spoiler tags in writeups is that some phone wont display them properly, like the Bberry I have.

[redwill]

Night 5, WW V. beerman gets it. Then gets it.

Night 5

While closing his beergarden down for the night, beerman, a regular villager, is startled when his door opens after closing hours. Turning around, beerman finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun. A shot rings out through the village as beerman's head explodes.

Determining that it is easy prey, three wolves enter the beergarden to see beerman laying in his own pool of blood. After devouring what remains, the wolves throw back a few beers and then disappear into the night.

The next morning, the villagers discover beerman's fate, a double whammy from the vig and the wolves. And worse off, the village has no more beer.

[beerman]

Night 5, WW V. beerman gets it. Then gets it.

Night 5

While closing his beergarden down for the night, beerman, a regular villager, is startled when his door opens after closing hours. Turning around, beerman finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun. A shot rings out through the village as beerman's head explodes.

Determining that it is easy prey, three wolves enter the beergarden to see beerman laying in his own pool of blood. After devouring what remains, the wolves throw back a few beers and then disappear into the night.

The next morning, the villagers discover beerman's fate, a double whammy from the vig and the wolves. And worse off, the village has no more beer.

YES!! I couldn't remember which one that was from, I wanted to find it but didn't feel like looking through each thread

[canaan]

(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

this is why i started using spoilers--i wouldnt even read the write-ups and i hated that.

[beerman]

(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

this is why i started using spoilers--i wouldnt even read the write-ups and i hated that.

I never used to read them either, I'd look for a color and be done with it. Now I actually pay attention to them.

[redwill]

(BTW, whoever started using the spoiler tag in write-ups was brilliant. It heightens the tension and encourages folk to actually read the carefully-crafted narrative instead of just looking for colors.)

this is why i started using spoilers--i wouldnt even read the write-ups and i hated that.

I never laughed so hard as when I saw this from you in

NHL WARS, Night 9:

Spoiler:

Eddie Olczyk, superstar

is playing a poker event to help spread the word about our league. here is a snippet of him at the final table:

Spoiler:

Edzo: I'm all in


Poker Pro: I call







Edzo: Crap

[Juice]

Day 4

After very little a butt ton of deliberation, the superstars of Buttmanville have gotten together to trim the fat off of their club. Dino Ciccarelli, a veteran of 19 NHL years, lasted only 4 days under Buttman's reign. Let's review his career numbers:

Code: Select all

1980–81 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	32 	18 	12 	30 	29 	19 	14 	7 	21 	25
1981–82 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	76 	55 	51 	106 	138 	4 	3 	1 	4 	2
1982–83 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	77 	37 	38 	75 	94 	9 	4 	6 	10 	11
1983–84 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	79 	38 	33 	71 	58 	16 	4 	5 	9 	27
1984–85 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	51 	15 	17 	32 	41 	9 	3 	3 	6 	8
1985–86 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	75 	44 	45 	89 	51 	5 	0 	1 	1 	6
1986–87 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	80 	52 	51 	103 	88 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
1987–88 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	67 	41 	45 	86 	79 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
1988–89 	Minnesota North Stars 	NHL 	65 	32 	27 	59 	64 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
1988–89 	Washington Capitals 	  NHL 	11 	12 	3 	15 	12 	6 	3 	3 	6 	12
1989–90 	Washington Capitals 	  NHL 	80 	41 	38 	79 	122 	8 	8 	3 	11 	6
1990–91 	Washington Capitals 	  NHL 	54 	21 	18 	39 	66 	11 	5 	4 	9 	22
1991–92 	Washington Capitals 	  NHL 	78 	38 	38 	76 	78 	7 	5 	4 	9 	14
1992–93 	Detroit Red Wings 	    NHL 	82 	41 	56 	97 	81 	7 	4 	2 	6 	16
1993–94 	Detroit Red Wings 	    NHL 	66 	28 	29 	57 	73 	7 	5 	2 	7 	14
1994–95 	Detroit Red Wings 	    NHL 	42 	16 	27 	43 	39 	16 	9 	2 	11 	22
1995–96 	Detroit Red Wings 	    NHL 	64 	22 	21 	43 	99 	17 	6 	2 	8 	26
1996–97 	Tampa Bay Lightning 	  NHL 	77 	35 	25 	60 	116 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
1997–98 	Tampa Bay Lightning 	  NHL 	34 	11 	6 	17 	42 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
1997–98 	Florida Panthers 	     NHL 	28 	5 	11 	16 	28 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
1998–99 	Florida Panthers 	     NHL 	14 	6 	1 	7 	27 	— 	— 	— 	— 	—
2009       Buttmanville             LGP    4

Co-commissioner Beukeboom: Some may say that Dino played with an edge. Some may say he was a goon on the ice. Some may say he was a superstar. In the eyes of LGP Commissioner Mario Lemieux and co-commisioners Robert Dome and myself, Dino Ciccarelli was a...[interrupted]

We break away to a press conference with recently released player, Dino Ciccarelli

reporter: Dino, how do you feel about the club's decision to waive you?



reporter: Is that a 'no comment' ?



reporter: okay. moving on. What are your plans from here on out?



reporter: what's the point of the press conference if you're not gonna answer any questions?



reporter: jagoff.



[end of press conference]

Co-commissioner Beukeboom: ...jagoff. As I was saying, Dino Ciccarelli's role with this club was a

Spoiler:

Superstar

...albeit a confusing one.



Still alive in BUTTMANVILLE:

1. Beerman - Rico Fata
2. Shafnutz - Bob Errey
3. Pavel Bure(killed night 3)
4. Troy Loney
5. Cup Keeper - Don Cherry
6. crayz - Ogie Ogilthorpe (killed night 2)
7. dagny - Jaromir Jagr (killed night 1)
8. Malkamaniac - Marty Straka
9. sdm5055 - Steve McKenna
10. mac5155 - Joe Dziedzic
11. MWB - Jiri Slegr
12. Zarovich - Marian Hossa
13. Redwill - Joey Mullen
14. Azkar - Pierre McGuire (waived by the village day 2)
15. Senka - Ryan Whitney (waived by the village day 3)
16. count2infinity - Eddie Olczyk
17. npv708 - Charlie Conway (killed night 3)
18. Juice - Michael Peca (killed night 1)
19. JS(c) - Gary Roberts (killed night 4)
20. Kicksave - Chris Bourque
21. Hockeyguru - Dino Ciccarelli (waived by the village day 4)
22. jaysmiter - Wojtek Wolski
23. tfrizz - Joe Sakic
24. PFiDC - Ian Moran
25. IrishEyes - Superstar Max Talbot
26. jwienand - Scott Hartnell (waived by the village day 1)

It is now Night 5. RPS send your info to myself, nan, and slappy...and make it snappy, buttmunchers.






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[the wicked child]

I both love and hate the spoiler thing. It is a monumental PITA to deal with on my phone.

The thing is, the more recent games have been more involved than a simple "someone died", so you really do have to read them. People still havn't fully caught onto comprehending what they are reading however.

[the wicked child]

One of my favorites...

A slug and a bird walked into a bar
A drunk villager was sitting not far
The bartender said, "hey, what will it be?"
The slug and a bird said, "I'll have npv!"
The slug grabbed his legs, the bird grabbed his head
The onlookers knew he soon would be dead
The slug ate his liver, the bird got his spleen
Now who will you salt, on this, day thirteen?
It's not day thirteen, I am well aware
But the rhyme for day twelve was simply not there
So deal with this poem, twas done in a pinch
And for the last time, mac, it's SALT, not LYNCH!!!

[Corvidae]

The canaan "Dino Ciccarelli" is one of my top choices, but the Slug Wars I game-ender by bhaw is my favorite.

Oh what a night! And it's not just a song...

There was a lonely slug left in the village. He had escaped a murderous bird once already and was living on borrowed time. Knowing he would soon be dead the slug decided to indulge. First, he went and bougt some hooker slugs to suck on his eye balls. Then he drank 3 cases of Natural Ice. He finished the evening off with a giant joint. Now, he had the munchies.

The slug set out to find a midnight meal. And there stood PFIDC. So innocent, so succulent, and so clueless. The slug slithered from tree to tree to stay out of sight. He tied on his bib and opened wide to devour PFIDC in one gulp. Just as he was about to chomp down, Senka, the NOM NOM Bird swooped down and gobbled him him. Senka chewed and chewed and chewed squishing every bit of life out of the slug.

As he finished, he felt a rumble in his tummy. Beer braised and weed infused slug did not agree with him. And out shot the largest clump of bird poop ever seen since pterodactyles graced the sky. The poop mound, the size of an elephant, landed right on PFIDC, who choked to death on bird feces. The slug never got his meal, but PFIDC still died... must less respectably.

The NOM NOM Bird flew to it's high cliff side lair and let out a screetch! "Who's your daddy?!"

The village threw a party and canaan, the final slug, was gone. The garden was slug free, and only 2/3 of the village had to die to get rid of those pesky vermin.

[Corvidae]

My favorite one that I wrote was this monster past the mid-point in SWI

dagny steps out of her hut and finds a large bowl of beer suspiciously sitting in her front lawn. “Suspicious bowl of beer, eh? Don’t mind if I do!”

The Alpha Slug, spying from behind the old willow tree, thinks to itself, “Revenge at last!” For eons, mankind has been using beer to drown slugs in their gardens (goggle it, it’s true). dagny dives into the bowl and indulges in its sudsy goodness as all seven Slugs now look on.

“Are weez gonna hold her head n’ drown ‘em, boss?” one lil Slooger asks.

The Alpha doesn't answer. It keeps its gaze fixed on the woman drinking the beer and is reminded of its fallen ancestors. It’s face turns red. Its starts quivering from the images of thousands of Slugs all meeting their terrible end in liquid hops.

“No, my lil Slooger…. no.”

dagny finally finishes the mysteriously placed beer bowl.

“BUUUUUUURP!!! What great way to start the day!”

She begins doing a little dance.

“Lil Sloogers…” said the Alpha “today… we paint the town red like the font used to describe us.”

The Alpha Slug and the lil Sloogers slowly converge on the now dancing woman. dagny, feeling a little woozy from the huge bowl of Colt 45 she chugged before breakfast, sees seven blurry blobs approaching.

The Alpha comes within an inch of her face.

“Are you some kind of hairless, out of shape wolf?” dagny asks.

It remains silence for a few seconds, then Alpha knocks her to the ground. Now, with the rest of the lil Sloogers, it begins TEARING HER APART!!!

*scuffle scuffle scuffle*

AHHHH IT’S TERRIBLE!!! BLOOD IS SQUIRTING OUT FROM HER OPENED RIB CAGE!!!

*scuffle scuffle scuffle*

NO! THEY’RE EATING HER EYES WHILE HE’S STILL ALIVE!!!!

*scuffle scuffle scuffle*

OH, GOOD GOD! THEY CRACKED HER FEMUR LIKE A WISHBONE!!!

Pray for her soul, as even the Gods turn away as they make her eat her own gallbladder...

Four Sloogers each get a limb. Two more divvy up the torso, and the head goes to the Alpha. It ingests it for now, but it remains to be seen whether this hideous garden crawler means to digest the skull of this regular villager, or transport it back to the layer as a trophy.

But it’s not over. Another creature pines for revenge… and maybe even a little redemption.

As they were all sliming away, the NOM NOM BIRD SWOOPS DOWN AND PICKS OFF A SLUG!!! The other six try to take him down, but with a thrust of his wings he bats them away and goes airborne once again.

"How you like me now, village!?" the Bird screams in this small but inspiring moment of triumph.

But still, even in this moment of good times, his mind races. He retreats to top of the village cliff to clear his head. He remembers their faces... the faces of each innocent villager he NOMed. He remembers the brutality that many of them meet at the hands of the mob. A mob he was a part of. A tear enters his eye and he turns his head down to lead his crystal sorrow to the ground.

That's when he notices it. A regular villager, crushed underneath a boulder. He flies down to see but he's too late... actually, a few days too late, as half of his skin has been eaten away by maggots and mongooses the village has for some reason. But the heart can still recognize a fallen brother. It's Zarovich. And it's time for him to get a proper burial.

So, the NOM NOM bird brings him to the top of the cliff where many other villagers gather in awe. They see his lifeless body as a reminder of the darkest parts of the human soul. The things they've done and the things they will do all flash before them. They wonder if the world has a chance. They wonder if the world deserves one.

Zarovich is buried there at the top of the cliff with a stone that reads: Think, Love, Together

Returning to the nest, the NOM NOM Bird regurgitates the head of the slug and notices the eyes. They look... Irish. He stares deeply into the detached iris and knows who won’t be at the next Slug meeting tonight.

The War has taken its toll on everyone. But the NOM NOM bird, who has grown sick of both human and slug alike, still keeps a belief. A belief that all living things hold within them a trace of something great – a slight shimmer that when finally pulled to the brink of darkness will shine back with a spark of divine. That spark is our unity, our uniqueness, and a reminder that we all have a chance for eternity.

The village lights a fire that night to remember the fallen, and each ember is an elegy for flames that fade forever.

[the wicked child]

That's another of my favorites. I was trying so hard not to LOL too loudly when I read that on my phone @ work.

EDIT: I didn't see you sneak that other writeup in... I was referring to bhaw's SWI ending writeup. However, the IE/dagny one was pretty good too.

[count2infinity]

NHL WARS, Night 9:

Spoiler:

Eddie Olczyk, superstar

is playing a poker event to help spread the word about our league. here is a snippet of him at the final table:

Spoiler:

Edzo: I'm all in


Poker Pro: I call







Edzo: Crap

i laughed pretty hard at this one too...

[the wicked child]

NHL Wars had some solid writeups for sure.

[Zarovich]

My trilogy write-up for my death was good.

[dagny]

Help guide me, I can't remember!

Which game did I do a couple of write ups for?

[redwill]

Help guide me, I can't remember!

Which game did I do a couple of write ups for?

SW II. You did my death write-up (killed on the short bus) and one or two others.